My first STD was from a foam party
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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