i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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