Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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