I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
