you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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