We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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