i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
