im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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