I puked a lego.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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