Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
