I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
