ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had sex on a roof
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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