I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
