You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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