Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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