Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
