Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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