No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
