She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
