Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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