I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
