i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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