I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
