i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the day after is always just damage control
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
