why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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