You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
