The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
