Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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