well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
