I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
