Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
