i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
