Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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