There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
