Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
