I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
