my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
