she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
