So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
