My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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