38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
