He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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