im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
