how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
