I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
