i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
