just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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