barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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