hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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