i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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